A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
