Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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