Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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