I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize