He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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