Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
