yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
