dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I need a beard to bite.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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