I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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