This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
