can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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