what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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