Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
