I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
