Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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