Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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