Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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