he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
