I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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