Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There's always time for handjobs
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
