So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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