whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
