I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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