after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
