i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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