You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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