Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
