I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
