maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
