You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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