He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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