how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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