i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he thought i was a dude.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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