Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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