I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
