Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
