You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
