I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
