We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
