I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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