My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
