You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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