as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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