i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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