the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
