I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
