Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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