I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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