I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
