You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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