Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My balls are so social today.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize