i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
