I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
