You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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