Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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