I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Everclear isn't food dammit
i believe in u and ur pee
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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