My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
