I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
