I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
