so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
