laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
