3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
