i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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