I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
