I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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