you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We named our party play list daddy issues
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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