Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
