I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
4 words: hood of his car
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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