I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
