Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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