Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
