dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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