I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
