you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
