It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize